


Blows Into Kisses

by Bellatrix_Wannabe_89



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: All Other Warnings That Come With a JC Canon Compliant Story, But Brienne Helps Him Through It, Childhood Trauma, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Oneshot, Past Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Physical Abuse, Sibling Incest, Tywin Lannister's A+ Parenting, jaime has issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25445161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellatrix_Wannabe_89/pseuds/Bellatrix_Wannabe_89
Summary: He wanted to rip her gown off and turn her blows to kisses. He’d done it before, back when he had two good hands. (Jaime III AFFC)
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 6
Kudos: 82





	Blows Into Kisses

_To this day Jaime still remembered the first time Cersei hit him._

_They were five. Cersei showed the visiting Dornish prince and princess a newborn Tyrion, and his twin grabbed their brother between his legs, squeezing and pulling until the baby was screaming and Jaime had to grab hold of her wrist to make her stop. When they were alone Cersei shouted at Jaime, yelling at him, telling him that he embarrassed her in front of the Dornish by yanking her hand away, angry that he humiliated her by calling for the nursemaid to tend to the dwarf. Jaime opened his mouth to argue but before he could get a word in edgewise she raised her hand and slapped him hard across the face._

_“Cersei, that hurt,” he told her, tiny voice shaking with unfallen tears as he tried to rub the sting away. Lions didn’t cry, his father told him. Not ever, even at that age._

_She pouted her lip at him before she kissed the bright red hand mark on his cheek. “I’m sorry,” she had said apologetically, and he believed her. Cersei took his hand and they left to go play ‘kennels’; a fun game where they would imitate one dog climbing on top of the other, something they saw the bitches and hounds doing to each other in their pens._

_His sister even let him be on top that time_.

* * *

“Brienne! Brienne! Stupid bloody wench, will you just let me talk?!”

She rounded on him, big blue eyes full of fire and blood, the dormant Targaryen blood in her coming alive in a hail of fury. 

“Don’t call me stupid!” she yelled at him.

“Then don’t _act_ stupid!” he shouted back. 

Every single patron in that inn had their ears pressed tight against their door but he couldn’t find it in him to care whether or not their argument was being enjoyed by the eavesdropping guests.

The torchlight in the hallways made the large scar on her face a menacing crisscross of angry red. “You are the most stubborn obnoxious man I have ever met!”

“ _I’M_ stubborn?!” He laughed. “Look in the mirror, wench! You’re the one who just-!”

“I know what I did! What I don’t know is why you’re so upset about it!”

She turned on the heel of her boot and stormed off with Jaime following right behind her.

“I’m not leaving until we talk about this! Brienne! Brienne!”

* * *

_“I can’t believe you, Jaime!”_

_“Cersei, please.” He went to reach for her hand but she pulled away from him. Her emerald eyes were wildfire and burning just as bright. “I didn’t mean to make you upset, I just thought-.”_

_“You didn’t_ **_think_ ** _! That’s the_ **_problem_ ** _!” She slapped him, hard, and he stumbled backwards. They were three and ten and he was taller than her now, and stronger, but that never stopped her. “I told you I didn’t want the imp to come with us to visit Mother's tomb but you invited him anyway!”_

_“It’s Tyrion’s mother too,” he muttered. He went to block her but he wasn’t quick enough and she slapped him across the face again, her nails scraping across his cheek._

_“He killed her Jaime! That freak killed her and you want him there to visit her on her_ **_name day?!”_ ** _Cersei raised her hand but this time he caught her by the wrist. She made to hit him with her other hand so he slapped her across the face, making her crash into his chest of drawers and fall over._

_Even before she hit the floor he was already racing over to her, an unbelievable wrecking guilt eating at every part of him. It was the first time he ever fought back, the first time he ever hurt her (or any girl for that matter.)_

_“I’m sorry!” he told her quickly, hoping and praying that their father wouldn’t hear her crying as she clutched her bruised knee to her chest. “Cersei, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”_

_She stood up and sprinted from the room, sobbing and calling out for Tywin._

_Jaime bit back his own tears as he sank down his wall, hating himself. Knights didn’t hurt women, they protected them and that was what Jaime wanted to be more than anything. But instead he hurt his sister, his twin, his best friend, his other half…_

_They were close, far closer than other siblings, and there were times when they would look at each other and he would feel a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew a brother wasn’t supposed to feel things for his sister but he did, and at times it almost seemed like she was taunting him. Like she knew he was looking at her like he wasn’t supposed to and what was more, what confounded him beyond anything else, was she seemed to enjoy the attention and what was even crazier was sometimes he thought she might have felt the same._

_The small lion stayed in his room, occasionally sniffling away his tears before a servant came and told him that Tywin wanted to see him. With his head held high Jaime followed him to his father's hall. Cersei stood by the stern faced Lord's side, lip trembling but Jaime could have sworn he saw a glint of amusement in her eyes._

_“You hurt your sister?” Tywin asked when the servant excused himself and shut the door behind him. His voice was sharp, and it made Jaime want to flinch but instead he just nodded._

_“I’m sorry,” he said, looking between Cersei and their father. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, it- it was an accident.”_

_Tywin didn’t answer. He walked over to his son, staring down at him for a moment before he hit him. Not slapped, but hit him, hard, and sent him flying across the room. Pain exploded in Jaime’s face and he could already feel his eye swelling up. Tears fell of their own volition that he hurried to wipe away._

_“If you ever lay hands on her again I’ll kill you,” Tywin said, his voice surprisingly calm. “Do you understand me?”_

_“Yes, ny lord.” He glanced over at Cersei and felt a stab of anger as she stood there, smugness drowning her in waves. He never once, not ever, told their father or anyone else that Cersei slapped him but the first time he fought back she had to go and run to Tywin._

_“Apologize to your sister,” he ordered, watching as Jaime struggled to his feet._

_“I’m sorry,” he muttered, eyes downcast. Tywin put a finger under his son's chin and lifted his head so he was looking him in the eye._

_“You want to be a knight one day don’t you?” Jaime nodded. “Then you need to act like one. Knights don’t hit Highborn Ladies. If you want to hit women, there’s a few kitchen wenches you could take your anger out on.”_

_“Yes, Father. I won’t hurt her again. I swear it.”_

_He gave a curt nod, turned and walked out leaving the two of them alone. Cersei walked over to him and laid her palm on his cheek, the tips of her fingers just brushing up against the edge of where he knew there would be a bruise._

_“Does it hurt?” she asked softly, gently stroking his face with her thumb. Jaime shook his head. She felt bad he had been punished, he knew she did, there was no point in adding to her guilt. Cersei didn’t take her hand from his cheek. Her touch was soft, and warm and her touch coupled with the way she stared into his eyes sent a stirring in his belly._

_Her breasts had already begun to bud and the last of her baby fat had started to melt away, leaving sharp features in their wake. His body was changing too. They were becoming a man and a woman together._

_Cersei took a step forward and pressed herself up against him, not taking her hand from his face. Jaime felt a stirring in his pants and he went to quickly twist himself away so she wouldn’t notice but she held him fast and her hand went to the drawstring on his breeches._

_“Don’t,” he begged, heart pounding hard against his chest in fear but his hardness wouldn’t go away. “Cersei, it’s not right. Someone could walk in. Please, stop.”_

_“I wanna feel it,” she said in a low whisper, ignoring his pleas and the panic in his eyes as she slipped a dainty hand inside his pants._

* * *

Jaime slammed the door behind them, glaring at the tall woman as she started undoing her armor and throwing it into the corner of what was once her room but slowly over time it had more or less become **their** room. 

“Brienne, listen to me,” he said, watching as she knelt in front of the fireplace. “Will you stop for a minute and just listen?”

“I did listen,” she answered without stopping to look at him. “You said everything you needed to say.”

“You’re angry at me because YOU almost got yourself killed! Do you realize how stupid-?!”

“Stop calling me stupid!” she roared. He watched as she stood up from the floor, shoulders heaving as she threw her most heated gaze at him. “I’m not going to tell you again!”

“I’m not calling YOU stupid, I’m saying what you DID was stupid!” he challenged. She rolled her big blue eyes. “And reckless, and ill advised, and could have gotten you killed!”

“I have an oath-!”

“That tourney was crawling with Lannister soldiers!” Jaime shouted, gesturing wildly. “And you decided, with my sister having a bounty on both our heads, to go there and look for Sansa!”

“I thought she would be there! There were rumors-!”

“Rumors! You risked your life on a RUMOR, Brienne! Unfounded at that!” 

“I was trying to do the right thing!” she yelled, storming over to him, standing toe to toe with her knightley lover. He stood only an inch or two shorter than her and he had to look up to meet her eyes. “I swore an oath! To Lady Catelyn and to you, to find the Stark girls and bring them home! If I have to risk my life-!”

“You could have been killed! Do you not understand that at all? You could have been captured and dragged before the Queen and do you know what would have happened then? You would have been lucky if the Mountain ONLY raped you half a hundred times before he slaughtered you! It’s already bad enough you nearly died trying to save me and you were willing to put yourself on the front lines for your precious King Renly but I will not have you risking your life for some dead woman’s spoiled child!”

Too far. He went too far, he knew it. Her eyes were bright blue flames and her whole body trembled from her rage. 

“How dare you.” Brienne’s voice shook with a fury that was unmatched by anything else he had ever seen from her before. She lifted her hand quickly, shoving a callused finger in his face. “How **_DARE_ ** you, Jaime! I cannot **_believe_ ** you would-!”

He surged towards the blonde on the tips of his toes and slammed his lips against hers, praying to the Seven what worked to soften one's strikes would work for the other.

* * *

_Jaime did his best to block her blows but Cersei seemed to have a hundred hands and every one of them was hitting him, slapping him, and he knew better than to fight back so he simply tried to lessen the amount of contact as he could._

_Knights didn’t hit their ladies. That lessen had been very well ingrained in his mind since Tywin taught it to him two years ago. Seeing Cersei on the floor, crying, knowing he caused it? He never wanted her to go through that again, he never wanted to be the cause of her pain ever again._

_Jaime just wished his sweet sister felt the same._

_“Cersei, stop!” he begged, grabbing hold of her wrists firmly but not hard enough to cause bruising. “Stop! Please!”_

_He had never seen her so enraged, had never seen her so angry at him and it was all because he shared a drink and a smile with the shy little kitchen mouse who was new to Casterly Rock and too nervous to do anything more than stammer out a hasty muttered greeting whenever she saw the future Warden of the West. That’s all it was; a cup of wine and a few laughs in the kitchens, as innocent as innocent could be. But word had reached his sister that he and this new kitchen wench had been friendly with one another and that was all it took to unleash the wildfire his twin was well known for._

_“How dare you!” Cersei screamed as she struggled against his grip. Jaime was thankful his father was away on business. “How_ **_DARE_ ** _you, Jaime! You betrayed me!”_

_“I’ve never betrayed you!” he cried, still holding fast. “Never, Cersei, you know that!”_

_“You smiled at that ignorant little whore! You shared a cup of wine with that ugly kitchen slut!”_

_“I was just being nice! There’s no one else! No one else, only you! You KNOW this!”_

_Cersei wrenched out of his grasp and before he could even blink she slapped him hard across the face, her sharp nails leaving streaks of red in their wake. “You wanna fuck her don’t you?”_

_“No!”_

_“You do!” she screamed, slapping him again. He flinched at the sharp sting of her palm in his already raw and red cheek. “You want to fuck her, just admit it!”_

_“Cersei I don’t-!”_

**_!Slap!_ ** _“Admit it!”_ **_!Slap!_ ** _“Admit it!”_ **_!Slap!_ ** _“Admit it!”_ **_!Slap!_ ** _“ADMIT IT!”_ **_!SLAP!_ **

_That last one had cuffed him in the jaw and he stumbled back but she was unrelenting. He had to do something, he had to stop her but would not hurt her and he would not fight back. Knights never hurt Highborn Ladies, and Jaime was going to be a knight one day but he couldn’t handle her hurting him anymore. It wasn’t even the physical aspect that was causing him this much pain, but the fact it was his sister, his lover, his other half that was the one inflicting it._

_Jaime did the only thing he could think of just then. As Cersei raised her hand to hit him again he grabbed hold of her wrist, yanked her close and kissed her. He wasted no time in shoving his tongue in her warm mouth._

_“What are you doing?!” She went to hit him again but Jaime grabbed hold of her other wrist and backed her up against the wall, keeping her easily restrained. “Jaime-!”_

_He kissed her again, and his trembling hand ripped at her bodice and grabbed at her soft white breast._

_“No more,” he muttered against her lips. Her moan went straight to his groin and he was thankful for the reprieve when she draped her arms around his shoulders. “Please. I don’t wanna fight anymore.”_

_The next morning Jaime stayed in his chambers, willing himself to go away inside, as the kitchen wench’s screams floated up from the Casterly Rock Great Hall._

_Cersei’s necklace had gone missing and it was found under the girl's pillow. It hasn’t mattered that she had witnesses who could put her in the kitchens all day and well into the night, Tywin Lannister’s daughter had insisted that the thief be punished and since she was the only suspect..._

_That night when Cersei came to him wearing only that necklace, she rode him well into the daylight and put the now one handed kitchen girl well out of the knight’s mind._

* * *

“What the hell are you doing?!” Brienne screamed, shoving him away from her. He stumbled and fell on his ass with a hard thump, his world on a daze. “Jaime-!”

“I don’t wanna fight anymore,” he muttered, his vision shifting away from their little room into his bedroom at Casterly Rock, at her chambers in Kingslanding. “Please. I don’t want to fight.”

“So you kiss me?!”

“Fucking is better than fighting,” he mumbled, the same thing he told himself whenever Cersei would raise her hand to him. He ignored the crimson that painted her scarred face. It didn't matter that she had done the act nearly every night for three weeks since she fought Lady Stoneheart; the crass word still made the shy innocent girl blush. “I didn’t want to fight anymore. I didn’t want you to-... I don’t want to fight.”

He thought of Cersei. He felt the sting of her palm, he heard the loud *SLAP* that always seemed to be so loud he thought for sure it aroused someone’s curiosity but no one ever came. He remembered trying not to cry when he was little and forcing a laugh when he was older, acting like it barely phased him when she did, which only encouraged her to hit him harder. 

He saw Brienne’s hand start to raise. He countered with a raised hand of his own, ready to try to block the blows, and preparing himself for the hard strike he knew she was about to deliver but instead she just raked her hand through her short brittle hair to push it back from her eyes. She was looking at him like he had grown a second head. “What in the seven hells is wrong with you?!” she demanded. “What, you think I’m gonna hit you?!”

The silence that followed was as loud as a scream. Her face fell, as did her hand. Her big blue eyes went wide with shock, then that damned pitying look he both loved and hated about her, adoring her when she would grace others with her otherworldly sympathy but despising it when she directed it at him. 

“Jaime.” Her voice was as soft as the mornings first drop of dew and just as sweet. “Jaime, I- I would never… why would you-, how could you think-?”

He swallowed hard, pushing his sister from his thoughts. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“I’ve _never_ hit you!” she argued, hurt that he would have even implied that. “At the bridge that- that was a sword fight, it didn’t-... you were trying-! And I-! … we **both** -!”

“I didn’t mean you,” he interrupted the fumbling words. Jaime went over and sat down beside the fire, gazing into the orange and red flames. 

_Gods this is humiliating,_ he thought as Brienne came over and sat opposite him. But there was something about her, something trustworthy and honorable and inexplicable about her that made him feel safe with his secrets. She would not go and gossip, she would not mock him with the words he told in an argument, she would not interrupt and make the story about herself. She would listen, intently, and her big blue eyes would grow wide and pitiful but genuine which would only make his tongue even looser. 

He turned his gaze back to the floor again. “You would think me craven if I told you the truth.” A statement he knew was a lie.

“For being hit?”

“For not stopping it. For allowing it. I’m a knight, Brienne, a member of the Kingsguard. I’m supposed to be the one to save fair Ladies, not let them best me.”

“Your sister,” she said, realization hitting like a ton of bricks. He could see it in her big blue eyes, the hate and malice his lover held for his twin, but his words when they first met about her being courteous as it concerns Cersei must have still rang in her ears.

“Jaime,” she started, jaw trembling in her restrained anger. “No one has a right to hurt you. I don’t care what the law says.”

“What? You think things would be different if the law punishes that kind of behavior.” He wanted to laugh. “You know a great many things, Wench, but my sister is not one of them. She’d be sure to leave ten times the bruises as she did just to show what she would think of the law. Besides, it’s not like I was some helpless maiden and she was a Clegane brother, it was a few slaps throughout the years. I could have stopped it.”

Brienne glanced down at the floor before she looked back up at him. “Jaime, no one acts the way you did because his sister raised a hand to him once or twice. Your first instinct when someone yells at you shouldn’t be to kiss them to prevent a physical altercation.”

“It worked though,” he said. “Turning her blows to kisses. Sometimes she wouldn’t stop until my hands were on her breasts and my lips were on hers, it was the only way I knew how to get her to stop, it was the only thing that worked… I fought back, once, but I hurt her. I didn’t mean to,” he added quickly. “I was just a boy, I never laid a hand on her again after that but the one time I defended myself she ran and told our father, and he reminded me that knights never harm the innocents, that I’m supposed to protect Highborn ladies, not throw them across the room like I was the Mountain. But after that… I just had to endure it.”

Tears filled her eyes, and Jaime felt a whole new world of appreciation for the woman sitting before him. She looked close to weeping, all because of injuries done not to her but to him. The way he used to grow teary eyed when he heard Robert hurting his sister, or when he discovered Cersei abusing their youngest boy. She was crying because someone she cared about, someone she loved, was hurt. The pain that resonated deep in his soul was shared by her as well, all because he told her that his twin slapped him more than a few times. 

Cersei didn’t even shed a single tear when she found out his hand was chopped up.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, voice as soft as a sigh. “Jaime I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. Truly.” He gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m fine,” he added, knowing that was what she needed to hear. “I just… I’m sorry as well.”

“You have done _nothing_ that needs apologizing for,” she said, trademark stubbornness rearing its head.

“I do though. I’m a knight, I am yours, just as you are mine. We protect and defend one another, but now you know your lion is nothing more than a pathetic trembling house cat…” He had to look away. He didn’t want to see that realizion on her face when she realized he was nothing, when she realized he couldn’t stop his sister from hitting him, when she realized he wasn’t a knight or a lion or a lord worthy of her. “I would not have you settle for a coward.”

He heard her stand up from her chair and then footsteps. For a moment he thought she might walk out, the shame of being in his presence too much for her (as Cersei often did after he lost his hand.) But instead the next thing be felt was her hands on his cheeks and she wrenched his face up so he was looking at her. 

She slammed her lips against his, all passion and fire and hot bloodedness, and he groaned into her mouth as she ran her fingers through his hair. Before he could truly reciprocate however, she pulled away and kneeled on the ground so that for the first time in their relationship he has to look down at her. 

Her big blue eyes were pleading, desperate, willfully stubborn and determined and it took everything in him not to look away from the intensity of her gaze.

“You listen to me, Jaime Lannister.” Her voice shook with her fire. “You are the least pathetic man I know. You lost your hand for your captor, and then risked your life saving me from rape a second time. You came back and jumped empty handed into the bear pit for me, you were willing to fight Loras for me, you armed me and sent me to find the woman the queen hates most in this world all to keep an oath to Lady Catelyn, and then you destroyed the… thing who would have killed us both because I didn’t have the strength to do what needed to be done. You slayed your king, knowing the reputation you would gain, to save hundreds of thousands of lives.” She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder and after he took a moment to wipe the tears from his eyes he held her just as tight. “You are the bravest person I know,” she whispered to him. “If anything your sister is the craven, hitting a man she knows won’t fight back due to his honor.”

“I’ve heard Cersei called many things, but never a coward.”

“Well… if not for my courtesies I would call her a lot more.”

Jaime laughed and kissed the top of her head before he pulled back to look at her. He rested his hand on her scarred cheek, gently caressing the raised lines and hard skin with his calloused thumb. “I love you.”

It was the first time he told her those words. It wasn’t some great grand gesture, it wasn’t some huge epic moment coupled with a kiss for all the ages. It was said in a tiny room of some nameless inn in the Vale, sweet and soft and intimate, just as she was.

Brienne blinked, and then she gnawed at her plump lip to keep herself from beaming with her wide grin that she absolutely hated. “I love you too,” she said, and his heart fluttered madly in his chest. A deep breath, “and I’m sorry for going to the tourney without telling you. We should have worked out a plan, I shouldn’t have gone off on my own.”

He shook his head. “I would have done the same as you. And I’m sorry for shouting at you for it and for calling you stupid, I should have never insulted you like that.”

“Thank you for that.” She ran her fingers through his golden curls. “How about I go down to the innkeep and I bring us up some supper?”

He agreed and sent her off with a kiss. When she was gone Jaime leaned back in the chair and smiled, feeling like a free man for the first time in a very, very long time…

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